So... today started out as a post about parrots. That has changed drastically because well, they are lovely photographs I took of those parrots, and I'll post them later this week, but other things are on my mind. And, if I'm going to be interesting for people to read, I am going to write about what I'm thinking about.
I'm thinking about how I look. How it's not good enough for me, how it's not as good as I have looked in the past. I don't even know if that's true, but I have this younger, hotter version of me in my mind staring at me as I decide to make my latte a grande instead of a tall, making me feel insignificant.
What brought this on? Well, I was trying to take some self-portraits. I have a mini-tripod and a camera with a timer, so I can do that now. I want to make my personal presence on this blog a little more obvious, and maybe start sharing some fashion stuff. Fashion and style are important to me, and I know a lot of other people like them too, but most of all, that holds me accountable to come up with a new, cute outfit every day. Otherwise, I sometimes throw on leggings, boots, and one of the same ten dresses I wear all the time, tie my hair up in a knot, and walk out the door. Then, I do my make-up really lightly on the subway and end up looking mediocre.
I'm a professional actress, and right now, I'm not working. I'm auditioning. Getting a night job would be a great idea, but I have to go back to Pennsylvania next weekend for my Great Aunt Jean's funeral, sadly, and well, no one wants to hire an employee then hear that they are leaving. So, I'm jobless. I have all the time in the world to work out, but you know what I've been doing a lot of? Sitting in front of a computer playing games and eating trail mix. Trail mix is very fatty, even though it has health value. I need to get off of my butt, and get myself in shape/ skinnier/ healthier/ happier, or I'm just not going to work. I'll just be depressed about how my face looks like a tub of lard when I'm not smiling, and how when I smile too hard for photographs, I look psychotic.
I need help to do this, and accountability for me is a huge motivator... so I'm telling all of you, my readers, about my project. I've used the site Sparkpeople.com before, and it worked wonders. I'm doing it again... and posting the link here.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=M3GRAC3&dte=1%2F18%2F2011 .
There it is. Every day I'll be tracking my food intake and exercise output, and it will be on this website, visible for the world to see. If I binge on cheesecake, you'll know. If I skip working out for a day (like I did yesterday...) you'll be able to see it. And, I'll know that. I'll know that so hard. Maybe with your help, I'll be able to achieve my dreams. You don't even actually have to do anything. My paranoia will do the work for both of us haha.
Thank you so much for this :)
Photograph of me, taken at the Museum of Natural History two years ago
Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA
Photograph of me, taken at the Museum of Natural History two years ago
Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA
Wow.
ReplyDeleteI just read your post & I feel like I'm in EXACTLY the same position. At the moment I'm all about trying to be the best version of myself, without sounding incredibly try hard &/or ridiculous..!
With me, it's not just about fitness & being in shape, although I must admit, I bought Zumba just after Christmas & have been using that to motivate me into getting out of bed earlier so that I can do the 20 minute express workout..!
It's also about sparing the time and making the effort to do the things that I love - sketching, designing & actually investing time & money into myself, what I want to be & where I want to go over the next few months.
I read your post & it made me feel some sense of comfort to know that there's other people that feel similarly.
Thanks so much for sharing.
FJM
x
That's so inspirational! I feel the exact same way. I would feel so much better about myself if I could lose 10 pounds.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, both of you!
ReplyDelete@Flapjack Melody- It's so great that you are trying so hard to find the time to do the things you love to do. I admire that a lot. I'm glad I helped you feel like you're not alone, because you did the exact same thing for me! It's so easy to feel like everyone else walking down the street is just as confident as they seem to be, and you're the only little awkward turtle who hates her tush. I've actually been thinking about buying Zumba- I'm an actor/ dancer, and incorporating the dance into my workout other than just in classes sounds like an awesome idea. It's nice to hear an endorsement of it! By the way, your blog is adorable, and Flapjack Melody is a fantastic name. Has a great ring to it. I'm definitely following you and putting you in my sidebar.
@Anon- Thank you so much!!! I wasn;t trying to be at all inspirational, it was more of a vent and a promise to myself, but it feels really nice to know that I might have made a difference for someone else too. Amd I feel you about those 10 pounds... :)
Thanks for commenting, both of you. I hope you come back again sometime.