In case I haven't made this perfectly clear before... I am a nerd. Plain and simple. I hate labeling people, including myself, and I hate potentially coming across as the Olivia Munn type of female who wears an "I Heart Nerds" t-shirt and 80's glasses sans lenses, but then does not know klingons from cardassians. Or tribbles. I really hate that. I don't despise her, I despise labeling, and the weird trend to now be proud of the name "nerd".
I don't know. There's a lot of weird stuff going on with this nerd movement, but I am pretty happy to be living in a time when I can openly assert what I am about to assert...
I play D&D.
Dungeons and Dragons.
A tabletop, RPG, that's role-playing game for those of you who have no idea.
I also play Exalted and Aberrant, and own all kinds of other role-playing games that I will probably never actually play. In fact, Danny and I, well, mostly Danny because he is the by-far more creative brain of the duo here, are writing a couple of rpgs ourselves. Because, it's fun, and honestly, who doesn't love to play games? Terrible people.
One thing I love about RPGs, and Dungeons and Dragons is most certainly my least favourite of all the games I play, is the acting. The character interactions are amazing. Maybe it's just my group of friends, but within my group of friends, they are amazing. Now that I'm focusing so much on teaching, I'm not doing a lot of acting these days. I've done some small projects recently, and haven't auditioned for any of them. Apparently, I'm to a point in my career where people ask me to do stuff, which is just rad. Rad, I tell you. But, auditions? It's been a full-on year since I've been to one of those. Not that I've kissed acting goodbye; on the contrary, my friends- I act every day. Teaching, I get to act, watch acting, and be around acting, and in these games... I have wept, cried, screamed, laughed, hugged my fellow players, gone through the motions of killing people...
Everything I ever liked about acting plus more is achievable in an rpg. How? It's our story, and we are living it. The way my friends and I play, we become full incarnations of our characters- instead of saying, I don't know, "Petra hits it with her sword," we narrate in the first person, or maybe even 100% act it out. During dialogue, we talk completely in character, and it's a bit jarring when someone breaks it. I'm acting, and playing my dream roles; and not only that- we are writing the script as we go along. Yeah, I generally have an idea of how I hope that my character will develop, and how I think that she, or he, may react to certain situations, however, like real life, and like scripts written by brilliant playwrights/ screenwriters, you never really know. How thrilling is that?
Everything I ever liked about acting plus more is achievable in an rpg. How? It's our story, and we are living it. The way my friends and I play, we become full incarnations of our characters- instead of saying, I don't know, "Petra hits it with her sword," we narrate in the first person, or maybe even 100% act it out. During dialogue, we talk completely in character, and it's a bit jarring when someone breaks it. I'm acting, and playing my dream roles; and not only that- we are writing the script as we go along. Yeah, I generally have an idea of how I hope that my character will develop, and how I think that she, or he, may react to certain situations, however, like real life, and like scripts written by brilliant playwrights/ screenwriters, you never really know. How thrilling is that?
Beyond this, I have realized another very interesting thing about my attraction to acting. When I auditioned for NYU, there was an interview component, and during it, I was asked why I like acting. Which is, probably, one of the most elementary questions ever for someone in performing arts. My answer, I think, now that I work for an acting conservatory, was probably what got me accepted, because I was super-sick that day, and was not a good actor yet. Frankly, I was bad. But, I said something along the lines of, "I want to experience things I will never do, places I will never see, adventures I will never take part in, and relationships I will never have through the eyes of someone else, using my own voice and my own body". Then, I also said something like, "I want to use my instrument filled with their souls". 18-year old me was a bit more perceptive than I sometimes give her credit for, because I've become smarter and more worldly since then.
Now, the big HOWEVER- I'm realizing that... I don't need plays to do this. My life is mine, and I can do what I want with it. I can have these adventures I never thought I'd have. I can have relationships I never thought possible. I can say things I never thought I'd say. I can go places I never thought I'd go. I can do this using my own words, my own consciousness, my own voice, my own body, my own soul. I don't need to act to fulfill my dreams, I can do that with my actual, real life. My goal in life is to try and do this every day. I don't just want to exist, I want to live, and live fully. I want to be in the moment. I want to experience each moment as it's coming.
I'm doing a damn good job of it.
Now, here are some pictures of Danny and me painting Ogres and Goblins.
Enjoy.
Brooklyn, New York City, New York, USA
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