Today I am...

I've seen a lot of posts like this on blogs, and I think it's kind of fun, so I decided to try it.  Woohoo.  Skunkboy Creatures and A Beautiful Mess, two of the blogs linked to in my sidebar, do this sometimes, and though this blog is a little bit nerdier, and, well, guy-friendly than those two are (not that they aren't, but I don't do so many crafts or recipes or posts about dresses), I thought I'd give this a go.

Obsessing over:  

I like to obsess.  It's something I do.  Lately?  Game of Thrones.  I just read the first book, am planning to start the second tomorrow, and will begin watching the TV series soon.  One of Danny's friend has files, and she is planning to give us a USB full of sword-slashing, dragon, dire-wolf happiness.

  

I've also been shipping Femshep and Garrus, but that is nothing new.  

Also, cooking with as many veggies as possible.

Working on:  

At this moment?  Yoga homework.  Guys, I have homework again.  I'm reading.  Essays.  Books.  Not just because I want to read them.  I actually have to.  And, you know what?  I love it.  Maybe it's because this is the first "school with homework" that I 100% decided on myself.  Not that college wasn't super-awesome-fun-time on top of being a crazy-difficult amount of work, but this was utterly my idea, and I'm having a blast.  The readings are fascinating.  I'm only a week into the hardcore segment of this training, and I've learned so much that I'll be able to put into practice in my Voice and Speech classes, and in any yoga classes I get the privilege to teach in the future!

I'm also uploading and editing photos so that I can have some new, original work up here hopefully within the next few days!  Like this one...

  

Thinking about:  

How to find ease, even in difficult situations.  I have a tendency to overthink, and be a bit of a stress ball.  I work too hard, in all of the wrong ways, and seek perfection instead of taking things one day at a time.  I used to legitimately believe in Yoda's mantra- "Do or do not.  There is no try".  Someone told me that as a kid, and I never accepted failure, or anything other than immediate success as acceptable.  If I thought I was going to not succeed to the fullest, I'd quit.  Or, not start.  Mostly that one.  Working through something with relaxation would have been a hilarious concept to any version of me younger than 21.

Now that I'm, you know, a real adult and stuff, I've realized that Star Wars is not real life.  I know... It was a crushing realization.  I'm not Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, or Darth Vader.  I'm not even Boba Fett, who was apparently really badass or cool or something, but lost anyway. 

 In the world that happens to be real, this is a terrible mentality that sets you up for nothing but abject failure.  File that one under, "Mantras that are great in movies, but not real life".  If you don't try things you don't know you will be awesome at, you're screwed.  Thinking that trying isn't sufficient stunts improvement, and makes you force things to occur.  (See what I did there?  Force.  Star Wars.  Yeah.)  But, seriously.  You'll never get better at anything.  You'll work hard, but not well.  Or, you might even think you're working hard, because you're doing a lot of thinking about working, but you aren't actually doing anything.  I've fallen into that trap.  Now, I'm attempting to find more relaxation and simplicity in everything I do, and work well.  Use my time wisely, and with a sense of calm and fun.  A smile in my heart.  My work in acting and Alexander Technique have made this much easier, and I'm finding how to work without muscling in yoga now as well.  One thing I love about yoga is that I'm not quite so naturally good at it. 

 It's really nice to be slightly awful at something, for a change.  This might sound ridiculous, but, due to the above mantra, I've legitimately only pursued things at which I seem to already excel, not things I necessarily love or find terribly interesting. Now, I do find most things I'm good at to be interesting, but I wonder sometimes if I like them because I like them, or because I like the satisfaction of being good at them.  There I go over-thinking things again. I'm not great at yoga, and I'm certainly not the best in my class, but I'm going to work my butt off, and I'm going to graduate.  There's no way I'll be valedictorian, there isn't one, but I wouldn't be anyway. That is refreshing, and exciting to me.  Hooray for self discovery!  Applying this concept of relaxation and accepting that not being good at something is okay to my martial arts is proving slightly more difficult, but I'll get it.  I just have to be more like water, and this little grasshopper will eventually become an easy water dragon.

Anticipating:  

Taking a vacation!  I get a weekend off from teacher training the last weekend in May, and I'd like to get out of the city.  I'm starting to brainstorm possible locations.  

Listening to:  

Nightwish's Imaginaerum.  I'm a metal-head...  I don't know if I've mentioned this.  I may be a stealth goth, and by that, I mean I'm totally a goth kid at heart.  Put a black lace choker on me and sooth my soul with some electric violin.  And Imaginaerum is the finest metal/ jazz/ classical/ soundtrack album I have heard in a long time.  I've been listening to it rather incessantly.  It's good.  I'm so pleased.  I cannot wait until the film comes out!

In addition, please don't make fun of me, but I've been listening to a lot of Enya lately.  Something in those Celtic beats warms my heart and calms me down.  See?  Goth kid.

Eating:  

A lot of veggies.  And chocolate.  Because I can.  But, way more veggies than usual because they are cheap and healthy, and I have been doing many hours of yoga and martial arts, which require lots of good, clean fuel.

Wishing:  

I had a castle.  Always.

Or magical powers.

Or both.

Inspiration Fridays: Love and War

 I wrote a post almost a year ago now called Inspiration Fridays: I'm Just a Hopeless Romantic.  In it, I said, "Give me a soft kiss, some light colors and low light, and I'll be happy forever."  

At the time, I thought that was pretty accurate.  I was going through a phase in which I was enamoured by the romance between Matsumoto and Ichimaru Gin in Bleach, and it led me to write that article.  Love was swirling around in my mind.  I was, and still am, desperately in love with my incredible boyfriend, Danny, but I am constantly looking for new couples in literature, film, tv, video games, etc to get excited about.  One could say that I enjoy shipping things.  But, really, I like epic romance.  Above, I said that it was a soft kiss, and some low light, and while we're at it, we might as well add some roses to that combo.  I've realized lately, however, that what I love more is a desperate kiss, some gunfighting or swordplay, and perfect partnerships.  These make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside- far more than a simple relationship.

I get inspired by couples like this- couples where both partners are fighting to save their town, their country, their ideals or, you know, the universe.  Maybe this is because I've upped my kickass factor this past year, or maybe it's just that I've come to understand myself better.  I don't want to be swept off of my feet- I want to take my lover's hand and save the world.  As much as I like a nice cuddle, I'd rather be running through a wasteland slaughtering marauders.  At least, I think so.  I never have slaughtered a marauder before, but in theory, it sounds great.

It's quite good that my ambitions of epic-ness led me to go into acting instead of the military.  Interestingly enough, as much as I yearn for the ability to live in a tragic world-at-war in which I must save and protect that which I care about with my own impressive fighting prowess, I have never once seriously considered joining the armed forces.  Besides protecting my life, this shows that I know this is in my head.  Maybe.  I think it's a nice testament towards my own sanity.  I take it as such.  Perhaps, if one day what I love is truly, you know, actually threatened, I'll leap into action. Not that I hope my family and friends will fall into danger- I don't.  But, I do hope that before I die, Danny and I can battle back-to-back against the forces of evil, and then kiss.  Passionately.

The TV I watch, video games I play, films I like, plays I see, and books I read do not help this at all (see below).  Neither does the way I work out.  I do martial arts.  I spend between 5-12 hours a week learning to fight, and sparring.  I've only been training for 7 monthes, but in that short amount of time, I've learned a lot.  Now, the idea of fighting doesn't just exist in my mind- it exists in my very reflexes.  This is simultaneously awesome and dangerous, because it makes this seem more like a literal possibility.  

 

As for the TV bit- yeah.  I came to a realization about this whole "epic romance" thing being the case last night.  If you've been following my "Daily Inspiration" album on the Travel and Toile Facebook Page, Danny and I are currently making our way through the Xmen animated series from the 90's.  I shall make no excuses for this.  It's delightful in a "wow the 90's had some bad animation that eventually became better" and  "Jesus Christ, I love the Xmen" kind of way.  In one of the seven episodes we watched last night, because Netflix is an enabler and yes, we watched seven episodes in a row, Jean Grey lived.  If you are an Xmen afficionado of any degree, you probably know how Jean Grey eventually becomes Phoenix, which is sometimes described as her secondary mutation, but is also a separate entity who uses her body and powers to save the universe.  Phoenix then loses control, and Jean dies.  Scott, aka Cyclops, is traumatized, since they were all married and stuff.  In this series, they figured out a way to have her not die.  It was exciting.  She's not my favourite character, as a matter of fact, I like Scott's later girlfriend Emma Frost way better, but the way they hugged and were happy after she magically lived was so nice. I hugged Danny, and thought I was going to cry.  

 

The mutant-power wielding badasses would be together forever to continue saving the universe.  What could be more romantic?

 

Here's to love... and fighting stuff...

  Scott Summers and Jean Grey from Xmen

Hero Hugs

Mustang and Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist

Harusaku

 Garrus and FemShep from Mass Effect

Fifmeister

I really wanted to put something from Dragon Age or Dragon Age 2 on here... but I could not find a single screenshot of, from Origins/ Awakening, a character that looked remotely like my elf, or from 2, an image of Hawke actually wearing armor.  Or, mage robes.  Apparently I'm the only person on Google who thinks that couples look hotter when they are fighting than when they are canoodling.

To complete my descent into nerd-dom, let me just say- this love of "epic romance" is one of the problems I'm having with Skyrim.  I like it.  I've played it for more than 60 hours.  It's, in general, a success.  However, there is no interaction.  You can get married, yeah, but other than that glitch where your dead friend shows up and wrecks your wedding, it's not interesting.  (PS. for that glitch... you have to drag the dead body and hide it either in the basement or under the bed.  Amazing.)  But, anyways.  There's no love.  My character is epic and sword-wielding but I don't feel that partner connection, which is why Bioware > Bethesda.  Always.

So, kids... I'm a nerd.  Welcome to Travel and Toile.